Happy Birthday?

So…. My birthday is just days away.

The big 3-0.

I've got to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Leading up until now, I was totally stoked. A new decade is always exciting, and maybe once I'm in my 30s I will start feeling like an actual grown up.

(Probably not. But it's a distant hope.)

But now that I'm standing on the precipice, I've become a little afraid of jumping.

I'm not sure why exactly. I'm not one of those girls who thinks it's all down hill after your 20s. I'm not yet worried about crow's feet or frown lines or what have you. I still feel young and vibrant (if not a little tired right now because life has been hectic).

I think my hesitation with 30 is that, for one, I feel like time is flying by at lightening speeds, and it's making me a little panicky. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to look back and wonder where my life went. I want to experience and enjoy and appreciate where I'm at and what I'm doing. I want to live in the now with gratitude and an open heart, and sometimes I feel like time is going by too quickly to do that. And so the "holy crap I'm 30" concept is a little shocking in that manner.

Also, in keeping with the I-hope-I-feel-like-a-grown-up mentality, turning 30 has left me grappling with some, shall we say, "life choices". Apparently in your 30s is when you become fully aware and confident in who you are, and I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on that. But sometimes, being true to yourself leads to some uncomfortable encounters. And then that discomfort makes me second-guess myself. And then I feel like an uncertain kid again, instead of the rather fabulous almost-30-year-old that I am.

For one, as you know we just recently moved to Wyoming. Coming from the greater Seattle area, this has been quite a shock to the system! Recently, I've experienced some unpleasantness from a few of the local residents, and the only explanation I can come up with is my bumper stickers. They are, admittedly, fairly liberal. And the reactions I've received from some people? Alarming. I know who I am and I know what I believe in and why, and yet this unpleasantness has led me to question myself. Should I remove the bumper stickers? Should I try to blend in more in this extremely red state? Or should I face the discomfort and be myself, knowing that while it may make a few enemies, it will also allow me to make genuine friends, rather than friends with whom I cannot be myself.

Secondly, earlier this week I found myself in a really upsetting situation. Without getting too into the details, the basic gist is that I had to inform a close relative (the only one in this town) that I was uncomfortable with her on-off boyfriend coming over for Thanksgiving. There is a whole myriad of reasons, but it boils down to feeling uneasy with his unpredictable, unsavory, immature, and quite frankly, unsafe behavior. If you are incapable of being sober… ever… you're not welcome in my home and around my children. Especially after his most recent bout of asshole-itude. She may be willing to put up with it, but I'm not, nor do I have to. So a initiated the awkward conversation knowing that it would be uncomfortable, and possibly unpleasant. But I had no idea what it would turn into.

Suffice it to say, it was not pretty. There was no conversation, no discussion. She reacted instantly, and harshly. I was completely caught off guard. She said some incredibly awful things to me. She basically text-bombed me for almost three hours straight, taking every pot shot and low blow she could come up with, leaving me shaking and in tears. She then basically divorced me and my family.

All because I was honest with my feelings, and with what I was comfortable with in my home. Something I had every right to express. I was not mean, I did not call names or defame anyone's character (unlike her). I simply explained delicately, calmly, and rationally how I felt and why.

And apparently in her world, that means I'm incapable of love and an awful, heartless person.

Once again, I began questioning myself. Should I have said anything at all? Should I have kept my discomfort with her loser boyfriend to myself and just smiled and played nice, even if it meant ruining my Thanksgiving and exposing my children to potentially unpleasant or unsafe circumstances? Was I justified in expressing my feelings?

Having gained a little bit of time and clarity between now and the initial encounter, I do feel I did the right thing. I had to be true to myself, even though it produced an unexpected and unfortunate outcome. What kills me the most is that 1) I've been the one who's been there for her, supported her, rescued her, and stood up for her, and to have her forget that and turn on me so quickly stung, and 2) my children adore her, yet she is totally willing to write them off.

So, lesson learned.

Doing what is right for you is not always about doing what is easy. I guess this is all part and parcel of being a grown up?

Welcome to 30! Be prepared to know who you are. And to have people hate you for it.

What are you willing to do?

So it has been an... interesting few days, to say the least.

Interesting mostly in a crawl-in-a-hole kind of way, but also a little bit in a good way too.

First, we went to visit the State Capitol last week, which was really cool. I plan on posting some of my pics once I finally get around to synching my phone. Clearly I'm totally on top of that... or not.

Anyway, I had never been to that kind of government building before, and the history/political geek in me was in absolute heaven! Beautiful building, cool history, good times.

Front grounds of the Capitol Building

Main Capitol rotunda. So beautiful!

The view from Capitol Street

After the visit to the Capitol, we drove out to where our property is to meet the builders and go over some specifics for our house. In a way it was good, because we finally got moving on all that stuff (they broke ground the next day) and we finally started feeling like progress was being made. On the other hand, we realized that the timeline our agent had given us was not realistic, and that we will likely not be in the house before the lease ends on this apartment. That means that we will probably have to pay more rent (on an apartment we barely like to begin with), and that we will also be cutting it close to have Thanksgiving in our new home. Sigh...

But oh well! At least it means being in a brand new dream home, right?

Well we thought so.

Until Friday.

We had an appointment to meet with a notary public and close on the sale of our Washington house. We were super excited until we started signing the docs, and saw that we would only be getting back half- yes, HALF- of what we had been told.

*cue the panic*

See, even though we knew we weren't going to be pulling in a huge profit on the sale of our house- after all, we had only owned it for 21 months- we were expecting to get back a fairly decent amount, and had based our purchase of the house and land here in Wyoming on that money. We were going to use it as a chunk of the down payment. Without that money, suddenly our down payment, and therefore the house itself, was in jeopardy.

We went from picking out features of our house to watching our dreams crumble in less than a week.

Needless to say Friday was a bad day. Bad, bad, bad day.

Major suckitude.

And lots of tears (on my part, obviously).

Saturday we nursed our emotional wounds. We went up to Cheyenne to celebrate my son's birthday. It was nice to get out of the apartment and put the whole down payment debacle out of our minds for a few hours. We let our son pick out what he wanted to do, and so the plan was to go to the Wyoming State Museum, go to the botanical gardens and outdoor children's museum/water park, eat dinner at Red Lobster (his favorite!), and then go to another park and open presents and have cake.

However, on the drive up to Cheyenne, several emergency broadcasts came on the radio announcing severe thunder storms, rain, hail, lightening strikes, and flash flood warnings for northern Colorado, the foothills, and the Cheyenne area.

That essentially cancelled all of our outdoor plans!

We hit up the museum, then went to dinner and opened presents. We decided to do the botanical gardens and children's museum/water park another day, and we're going to have my aunt and cousins over tomorrow (his actual birthday) for cake and more presents. It didn't go as planned, but it was still fun, and he enjoyed it, which is all that matters.

After dinner, we decided to drive out to our property, kind of as a motivation/inspiration thing. It was amazing how far they've already gotten! The entire basement is almost dug up, and it looks like they'll be ready to pour the foundation pretty soon.

Seeing it in person, seeing the dream start coming to life, made us determined to make it work, even with the lesser profit amount we have to work with. We started crunching numbers, and it looks like we may be able to squeak it out after all.

Hopefully.

We decided that it basically comes down to this: How hard are you willing to fight for your dreams?

Me? I'm not giving up yet.

Raining men at Le Faux

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!

Okay.

So the drag show.

Suffice it to say the evening did not go as planned.

The show was entertaining, and the host, Isaac Scott, was fabulous.

I would probably go again, but I would change a few variables.

So let's break this down, shall we?

The original plan was to take my mom down there for her birthday. We would pay for her ticket and her meal, watch the show, all that good stuff. Well, it turns out that, for one, the gal that I spoke with when I made the reservations gave me some misinformation (like, you know, pricing, seating, all that somewhat important nonsense), and two, I had misguided expectations of the evening.

The misinformation snafu meant that I didn't bring enough cash with me, and the girl specifically said to bring cash. Strike one.

The misguided expectations were a big strike two and strike three.

Strike two: in my mind I was expecting a Cage Aux Folles kind of situation, where you sit at the same table for your dinner and to watch the show.

But no.

We were shuffled around like cattle by a fairly rude German man. And ended up sitting in these horribly uncomfortable wooden chairs where we had to wait for over an hour for the show itself to even start.

Strike three? Was the ridiculously drunk women next to us who, for one, are way too old to act like that and drink that much, and two, were horribly disruptive and disrespectful to the audience and the performers. They were a bunch of hot messes... minus the hotness.

There was also the awkwardness of my sister's friend who decided at the last minute to come with us, only she refuses to speak to me.

Like, literally.

She and my sister have been friends for... oh... over ten years now? And this chick has literally never said a word to me. Apparently she is afraid of me because she thinks I'm super pretty and therefore scary, and I guess her natural reaction is to just be Frosty the Snow Bitch to me.

Whatever. I tried to talk with her and engage her in the conversation, but to no avail. It was awkward, to say the least. Especially considering I planned the entire thing. But yeah. Ignore me. Not that I'm annoyed or anything...

Overall, the experience was... alright. The food was alright. The performers were pretty good. The host was awesome. My mom had fun, which was the important part.

So like I said, I think I would go again, only this time with my friends. You know, people who will actually acknowledge my existence!

Men in glam makeup and women's clothes impersonating celebrities? Yes please!

Don't have time for a full post right now, as I am in the middle of writing a paper for my Race and Ethnic Issues class. However, I just wanted to get on here really quick to say...

GOING TO LE FAUX TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!

I have much to share, including how genetics suck, how bonfires and gasoline are not a good combo, and how my friend wound up sleeping in my driveway, but it all must wait until tomorrow...

I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?

(I think you can in Europe...)

(If you don't get that reference, then we are never going to be friends)

You know those days when you feel like all of this "stuff" is being dumped in your lap and you are supposed to just find some way to fit it into your already full schedule?

Yeah.

That's where I'm at.

In the last two days, every weekend, and I mean literally every weekend, from now until the end of June has been booked. Solid.

Never mind the fact that I also have school, and the kids have school, and The Husband has work, and our gigantic yard needs constant, never ending, unyielding attention...

Sigh.

I'm tired just thinking about it!

This week for my Race and Ethnic Issues class, I have to watch a movie or read a book that addresses the issues of racial or ethnic diversity, and then write a paper on it using other researched sources to substantiate my point.

After much deliberation, I have decided to watch American History X.

Let me be clear... I HATE that movie.

I mean, it's a really good, well done movie. Don't get me wrong. It's amazing.

I also hate it. It breaks my heart. It makes me angry. It makes me cry (and I hate crying).

(I also dislike Edward Furlong. I find him creepy... in everything... always)

So suffice it to say, I'm not looking forward to watching it again. It's been... I'd say a good 14 years or so since I last watched it... This is going to be tough.

But first, I need to finish my World Religion readings on Buddhism and the printout for the Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings in order to do my discussion questions for that class. Then I need to read the two chapters on African American history from slavery to the Civil Rights Movement (a total of about 90 pages...oy vey) for my Race and Ethnic Issues class in order to do my discussion questions and take my quiz.

And I have to find the time to do all of that while also having friends over for a bonfire on Friday, and going down to Le Faux in Seattle for my mom's birthday on Saturday.

Suddenly I have a headache...

Housewifery, Canadians, and tattoos

So my To Do list for this weekend keeps growing. And growing.

The weather is crappy, so no yard or garden work will be getting done, but that's okay, because my inside chores are enough to keep me plenty busy.

First, my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Adrienne, is coming to visit on Tuesday, so I need to get my house absolutely spotless. Not that I need to impress her. I mean, we've been friends since we were almost five, so I'm pretty sure she won't judge me if my house isn't in museum shape. But still, my OCD requires that my house be as perfect as possible for guests. (Then again, I try to keep my house spiffy anyway for my own sanity, so I guess nothing's really new!) (A tidy house equals a tidy brain)

This is the first time Age will be visiting our new house. Well, I guess it's not that new, we've been here for over a year and a half, but she was living all the way across the continent until just recently, so her last visit was almost three years ago. I'm excited to get to spend some time with her. I feel like she makes me sane. While we have plenty of friends around here, she's the only one that I feel totally myself with. She's known me almost my whole life, and it's rare to have people in your life for that long. She's a peach!

Age is going to be here for the better part of the week, and while it sucks that the kids and I have school and The Husband has work, we'll still rock it! On Wednesday my sister and I have appointments to get tattoos, and Age is pretty much an expert in that field (*cough* cough* getthegypsytattooyouknowyouwantto *cough *cough*) so she's coming along for moral support. And I'm trying not-so-subtly (see above) to convince her to get one she's been thinking about for quite a while. She has her whole back and both sides done, but hey, there's always room for more!

This will be my second tattoo, and my sister's first, so we're both very excited about it. I'm a little nervous since I'm getting mine down my spine, and the pain factor is... unknown and intimidating. But I'm a big girl and didn't even flinch during my first one, so hopefully I won't be the sissy whimpering in the corner...

Besides that, Age will also be here for my daughter's birthday party next weekend, which is super awesome! She can help me plan and cook and decorate! Yay for free help friends!

I don't know what else we will end up doing this week, I think we'll just wing it. One of the nights we want to take her to our favorite restaurant, assuming we can get a sitter. Beyond that? Who knows!

Coinciding with Age's visit, spring quarter starts on Monday. However, the portal opened yesterday, so I'm going to try and get as much of the first week's homework done as quickly as possible. That way, I won't have much to do that will be interfering with actual, you know, fun stuff. Of course, this means that I need to get a move on, like, now.

Quarters, Comic Con, and Queens

Hey hey!

I'm back! I know, I've been gone a few days. Things have been crazy busy around here.

The end of winter quarter is approaching, which means one thing- assignment loading.

Yes, that lovely time of the quarter when teachers start packing in as many papers, projects, and reading assignments as possible. And the one thing I've noticed that seems to be across the board, regardless of the course, the individual instructor, or the time of year?

All teachers seem to forget that their students are taking other classes.

'What?!? My class isn't the center of the scholastic universe?!?'

And by forgetting that, all teachers end up stacking their course schedules at exactly the same time.

Hence my absence for the last few days. I've been trying to salvage my sanity and maintain my exemplary GPA.

(3.95 in case you were wondering)

Besides that, the weekend was also busy for other reasons.

First, my oldest son went to Emerald City Comic Con for the first time. He went with my sister and, suffice it to say, his little geek mind was blown! He didn't know what to expect, and I think initially he was nervous, but he had a blast and is now hooked. I would expect him to be a regular attendee from now on.

The following day, my daughter and I went with my mom to the Northwest Women's Show. I've been going with my mom for over 10 years now, and it's always something we look forward to. There are countless booths with jewelry, clothes, skin care, health and nutrition, food samples, home and garden stuff, business information, you name it.

The whole point is to eat, shop, eat some more, and then shop some more.

What more could a girl want?!?

This year I came away with a couple of scarves (my accessory of choice), a few pairs of earrings, a couple of necklaces, and a cute halter sun dress. Definitely one of my lighter years, but this year not as much "called out" to me. Last year... well... let's just say I went a little nuts. They had some goooood stuff last year!

One fun thing that did come of the weekend though was solidifying plans for my mom's 50th birthday, which is coming up this spring. I've been wanting to plan something fun and special for her, but she's not one of those foofey, fancy-dinner-and-gifts-and-invite-everyone-she-knows kind of women. I mean, she'll take the gifts! But she's not so much about the big ritzy party.

So I needed to find something more to her taste.

And I did!

Julia's on Broadway/Le Faux!!!!!

It's this restaurant in downtown Seattle, and I've heard the food is amazing.

But then!?!

Every Friday and Saturday night they put on the most amazing celebrity impersonation/drag show.

Every year they have a booth at the women's show, and my mom has been talking about going for years, but never committed to it. These guys are amazing. Their makeup, the body language, even the voices- they're dead ringers for the celebrities they are impersonating. It's mind boggling.

And I have mad respect for any man who looks better as a woman than, you know, actual women.

So I'm taking mom for her birthday!!!!

I'm so ridiculously excited.

One, because it'll be fun to go do that with my mom.

Two, because it gives me an excuse to go to the show!

And three, because let's face it, I love me some drag queens!