My last post shared an article about that moment when you see your kids as they are; when you realize where you are in life, and you have that singular, acute moment of parental and personal clarity.
The thing that article didn't mention, though, is that this happens far more frequently. These little moments are not a once-per-decade occurrence. Hell, I have them a couple times a week, at least!
It's true, most of your parenting time consists of something akin to herding cats. You're running around in circles, trying to keep the peace; reminding the youngest one to keep their hands to themselves and use their words and not their fists; reminding the oldest one to speak kindly and stop bossing the others around like they're minions; and keeping the middle one from using her pillow as a weapon when her brothers piss her off for the zillionth time today.
In short, daily life is chaos. It's hectic. It's challenging. And some days you feel like an utter failure and want nothing more than to crawl back in bed, curl up in a ball under the blankets, and imagine yourself on a sandy beach sipping a very strong tropical cocktail (or three).
But in between those moments of Are-You-Freaking-Kidding-Me-What-Made-You-Think-Climbing-The-Refridgerater-Was-A-Good-Idea, there are moments of joy, beauty, and utter parental pride.
And yes, that occasional clarity where you see your children as individuals with unique personalities and relatable stages in life (as opposed to vindictive hell spawns seeking to make you crazy one "quit touching my Legos" argument at a time).
I have three children- Bug, Sweet Pea, and Monkey.
(Not their real names, obviously. I'm a hippie, yes, but not quite to that level!)
Bug is my oldest. In terms of personality, he is the most like me. He's very sensitive and academic. He loves to read, he has an insatiable appetite for knowledge, and dreams of being an architect or engineer when he grows up. He loves nature and being outdoors. He has a very high intellect, and he knows it, which makes for confidence and success in the advanced classes, as well as an insufferable know-it-all tendency (we're working on that). Lately, it's like he has suddenly become this childlike grown-up. I find myself being able to relate to him on a more mature level. We can have full conversations about geology or recycling or global warming or the sneaky intentions of marketing. Certain things he says, as well as certain actions and characteristics, floor me on a regular basis because they make him seem so grown up. At times he is all child. Other moments, total teenager. It's weird and heartbreaking and fun and emotionally trying all at the same time.
Oh yeah, and he started puberty. And that's been a real hoot...
Sweet Pea is my middle child. She was born premature, but is now the picture of health and vitality, though I still worry sometimes. She loves animals (like, straight up Little Miss Dr. Doolittle). She is funny, goofy, a show-off, and very artistic. She loves to draw and craft and create. She possesses a sheer joy for life that I admire and hope she holds on to as she grows up. She is athletic (she gets that from her daddy!) and confident in her physical abilities, but is also very timid and sensitive. She is wicked smart but still questions her academic abilities. We are working to build her up in that manner, but she still compares herself to her brother and has a hard time understanding that he is older and therefore farther along in school. She dreams of being a paleontologist and a veterinarian, simultaneously. She is also sassy as all hell. And beautiful. Daddy is going to need to invest in a shotgun as she approaches middle school! She is still young, yet I occasionally see glimpses of who she will be when she is older. Certain things she says and does are so teen-like that it freaks me out. She and I are also the most different in terms of personality, so I know that we will have our mother-daughter struggles as she gets older. I dread her teen years...
Monkey is my baby. Only he's not a baby anymore. It feels like he is growing up too quickly- I think he's trying to catch up to his older siblings. He is all boy- rambunctious, wild, physical. He loves to run and jump and climb and yell and tumble and explore. He has no fear, which of course instills fear in me! He looks the most like me, to an eerie degree. I can't yet tell whose personality he takes after the most, but he is very sweet and loving and kind. He loves animals just as much as his sister. He is intelligent and sensitive, but also adventurous and a little crazy. I think he'll be the one to end up spending a night or two in jail! But for something silly, like streaking through a football game, or tagging a building with an invite to prom, or some other impulsive dare-type stunt. He's also a ladies man already. I'm already working on my best glowering stare for the hordes of chicks he'll bring home that I will inevitably disapprove of.
Like any parent, I have my fears for my children. Besides the obvious fears of illness, injury, and outside threats, I also have individualized concerns for each of them. For my oldest, I worry about his social interactions. It's not easy being the smartest kid in the class, and I worry about him being picked on, teased, or bullied. For my daughter, I worry because she is very pretty, and also has the makings of the "popular girl". Girls are cruel, and I know firsthand just how murky and twisty Girl World is. I hope my sensitive baby girl doesn't get crushed by that world. For my youngest, I worry for his safety, as he is still very young. I also worry because he is so impulsive and outgoing- I don't want him getting hurt, getting in trouble, or getting into the wrong crowd.
My children can be mentally and emotionally trying, but they are also my greatest source of joy. Their spontaneous creativity, their joie de vivre, their genuine and unconditional love- they are amazing. I'm proud to be their mommy. And like any parent, I just hope I don't screw them up too badly!
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